There seems to be a certain general element of delight taken in the inherent chaos inspired by the situation. Were it not for the manner with which it were enacted, I would feel... kinship.
If there were any chance for something deeper, some kind of [gestures] art, I could understand it. But it's just crass violence. These are good people in a bad situation.
Considering the situation, it would take an act of extreme, grotesque violence. No one is guilty unless they go beyond what the situation demands. And the situation is very demanding.
You know, I already have a much lower bar than most, thanks to you. You're going to have to push harder to have it drop completely.
[blinks, taken aback by the thought . . . then weighing it, considering with a cock of his head]
I've checked out, Hannibal. If they're willing to put even their best to the blade, then there isn't room for any discussion. I am going to sit back and let them conclude this however they want to while being a lightning rod for outrage and disgust.
Well, that's what I get for taking a page out of your book. And not that well, either. I feel like I could give Chilton a good run for his money as inept manipulator extraordinaire.
[small laugh to himself, half pained when thinking of their similarities, Chilton and himself]
Different in what way? If it were real? If there was a goal beyond violence? If I were in charge? There is an endless sea of hypotheticals, Hannibal. Where do you want to navigate me to?
[resists letting the scenario take him immediately, not wanting the psychic stress and not seeing why "he" would want this . . . but eventually, his eyes gloss over and breath evens out]
. . . This is my status quo. It was. Getting close to anyone meant they could be killed, in the line of duty or otherwise. Then . . . Then, it was our evolution. The evolution that left a bloody swathe of carnage behind us, like proof we had been there.
. . . But I stopped.
[deep breath in then out, looking at Hannibal]
I stopped because everything in me had been scrapped out. A shell with my shape was holding what had been poured in to fill it . . . And I wanted to push it over, let it flow out and away.
[rolling his shoulders back, head held higher]
I'm doing the same now. Retreating from the violence that goes on with or without me.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2018-01-21 04:04 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2018-01-21 04:06 am (UTC)Because it isn't even a cohesive design.
no subject
Date: 2018-01-21 04:25 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2018-01-21 05:37 am (UTC)If there were any chance for something deeper, some kind of [gestures] art, I could understand it. But it's just crass violence. These are good people in a bad situation.
no subject
Date: 2018-01-21 06:08 am (UTC)What have you done to rectify this?
no subject
Date: 2018-01-21 07:04 am (UTC)Nothing. I can't do anything. There's too many strings to pull.
no subject
Date: 2018-01-21 05:28 pm (UTC)[let's be real, he's moved much closer now]
no subject
Date: 2018-01-21 08:12 pm (UTC)I'm not going to save one and leave the rest. Being chosen as a survivor isn't a gift; it's a curse.
no subject
Date: 2018-01-22 03:46 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2018-01-22 03:48 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2018-01-24 01:31 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2018-01-24 02:14 am (UTC)I wish to avoid being you. God doesn't really figure into many of my decisions.
no subject
Date: 2018-01-24 02:57 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2018-01-24 03:16 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2018-01-24 04:28 am (UTC)[quirks a brow]
Are you not their peer, capable of serving on their jury?
no subject
Date: 2018-01-24 04:39 am (UTC)You know, I already have a much lower bar than most, thanks to you. You're going to have to push harder to have it drop completely.
no subject
Date: 2018-01-24 04:55 am (UTC)Are you asking me to be uncouth with you?
no subject
Date: 2018-01-24 05:06 am (UTC)I've checked out, Hannibal. If they're willing to put even their best to the blade, then there isn't room for any discussion. I am going to sit back and let them conclude this however they want to while being a lightning rod for outrage and disgust.
no subject
Date: 2018-01-24 05:22 am (UTC)[considers]
The mongoose, awaiting the viper. What would you do, Will, were circumstances different?
no subject
Date: 2018-01-24 05:32 am (UTC)[small laugh to himself, half pained when thinking of their similarities, Chilton and himself]
Different in what way? If it were real? If there was a goal beyond violence? If I were in charge? There is an endless sea of hypotheticals, Hannibal. Where do you want to navigate me to?
no subject
Date: 2018-01-24 06:16 am (UTC)[imagine if I were present, he doesn't say]
no subject
Date: 2018-01-24 06:52 am (UTC). . . This is my status quo. It was. Getting close to anyone meant they could be killed, in the line of duty or otherwise. Then . . . Then, it was our evolution. The evolution that left a bloody swathe of carnage behind us, like proof we had been there.
. . . But I stopped.
[deep breath in then out, looking at Hannibal]
I stopped because everything in me had been scrapped out. A shell with my shape was holding what had been poured in to fill it . . . And I wanted to push it over, let it flow out and away.
[rolling his shoulders back, head held higher]
I'm doing the same now. Retreating from the violence that goes on with or without me.
no subject
Date: 2018-01-28 06:57 pm (UTC)[esp bc it's not like I'm here to be the one in control]
no subject
Date: 2018-01-28 07:05 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2018-01-28 07:28 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2018-02-01 05:40 am (UTC)I am in control of my actions. No more or no less in control than I ever am of anything around me.
Isn't accepting that there some things beyond control a healthy step forward in therapy? Or am I being too "passive" in my role?