(no subject)

[theyregooddogs]

[whenever they are both up to functioning]

What's your plan for tonight?

Comments

Day 11

[afailedmurder]

...Are you saying what I think you're saying?

[theyregooddogs]

Not quite. But I'm not ready to mentor you on that, just— Listening. Listening is where I can be right now.

[afailedmurder]

Listening...

[okay, that's probably better than talking about murder. he swallows and nods]

...Kurusu is selfish. He doesn't want to accept the reality of the situation we're in. As long as he can play hero, he doesn't care about anything else.

[theyregooddogs]

If he accepts this reality, he will stop being able to function how he has so far and, honestly, prefers to. He's not willing to evolve and create a self that can function here.

[afailedmurder]

He's going to die. I gave my life for him, and that selfish son of a bitch is just going to go and get himself killed.

[theyregooddogs]

Akechi, you know there is a power imbalance between you two, don't you?

[afailedmurder]

I thought... that I was the one holding him emotionally hostage, that he would have to put up with me, because he was afraid I would hurt someone.

But it's the other way around, isn't it? He knows I don't have anything left to live for, so he can string me along and feel good about himself, because this time around he managed to "save" me. Isn't that right?

[theyregooddogs]

One is not exclusive of the other. But I don't think he is that intentional about you. —He doesn't think of you, Akechi. Whether it's because he refuses to evolve or because he lacks any discernible concern for you, I can't really say.

[rolling his head up, staring at the ceiling]

To me, you read as Akira's pet.

[afailedmurder]

[and that's the trigger right there, between reasonable upset and white-hot fury]

A pet? Am I... a pet? After everything, that's still all I am?

[theyregooddogs]

[that "still" hurts a lot more than he expects . . . ]

I'm—Sorry?

[afailedmurder]

I don't even mean anything to the person I was tied to by fate...

No matter what I do, I'm just going to be someone else's tool or toy...

[theyregooddogs]

. . . You're unique. You need someone as unique as you.

[afailedmurder]

Kurusu is already the only person in the world who's like me.

[makes a strangled noise, like he's not sure whether to laugh or sob]

I'll bet Saihara is using me, too. Probably just sees me as a damn bodyguard.

[theyregooddogs]

[finally bringing his head back down, definitely emotionally wrought but distant]

He isn't using you. Don't mistake Akira's truth for everyone else's.

[afailedmurder]

[whines]

I don't know that. How am I supposed to trust anyone?

[theyregooddogs]

Slowly . . . Carefully . . .

[crouching down, braced on his feet and not getting any closer to him]

You want connection, Akechi. It was the first time in a long time that you had something like it, so you grabbed on strongly. He isn't capable, though.

[afailedmurder]

[just. looks up at him]

[theyregooddogs]

[eye contact, wow]

Akechi, you aren't wrong.

[afailedmurder]

[he doesn't maintain it for long.]

...What would you do? If you were me.

[theyregooddogs]

[thank god!! will is going to stare at his hands]

If I were me in your position? Understand his shortcomings and walk away from it. But saying and doing are different things. You aren't me, either.

[afailedmurder]

I used my "vacation" today. It showed me a world where Kurusu and I were friends... real friends who could rely on one another. Not whatever facsimile of it we've been playing at here. But they had to turn back time to do it. No matter how hard I try, there'll always be somebody he likes better, somebody he trusts more... somebody who's never hurt him.

So maybe you're right. Is he even worth killing for, if he only cares about me when it's convenient? Maybe it is time to walk away.

[theyregooddogs]

Few are worth killing for. I don't think he deserves that— Honor from you.

[afailedmurder]

[nods slowly]

If I do kill, it'll be for myself. For my justice.

[theyregooddogs]

[you fucking did it!!!!!]

Are you thinking of killing?

[afailedmurder]

I've been thinking about killing the whole time.

[sighs]

...But I don't know. Probably not. Right now, it doesn't even feel worth the effort.