Will Graham (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
theyregooddogs) wrote2017-12-16 03:31 pm
theyregooddogs) wrote2017-12-16 03:31 pm
(no subject)
[whenever they are both up to functioning]
What's your plan for tonight?
What's your plan for tonight?
You couldn't direct them more off the mark than they already are most of the time. It could be worth a try.
Akechi, your understanding of people is fueled by your distaste for them. They are machines that produce X reaction with Y stimulus, and you adjust your response based on individual differences. It's not that simple.
Akechi, your understanding of people is fueled by your distaste for them. They are machines that produce X reaction with Y stimulus, and you adjust your response based on individual differences. It's not that simple.
I think I'd be good at it!
[laughs! ...and then frowns]
But of course I have a distaste for people. I can see into their hearts, after all. That's my power.
[laughs! ...and then frowns]
But of course I have a distaste for people. I can see into their hearts, after all. That's my power.
Coming back to that power later. You may be able to see, but you can't feel. You have shut off your emotions in an effort of self-preservation; you don't feel yours, you can't begin to feel theirs.
I... still have emotions. Perhaps not in the same way as when I was a child, but I was a deeply depressed child.
You do, but they are only the highest highs and the lowest lows. Am I wrong?
[rubbing his face but dropping his hand eventually]
Look into exposure or trauma therapy. If you're ever interested.
Look into exposure or trauma therapy. If you're ever interested.
Mental health treatment is still rather stigmatized in my country. It would make things... more difficult for me, I think. Assuming I'm not thrown directly into jail, anyway.
[he idly kicks a ball that strayed from the pit]
I always thought that if I could do justice or get revenge, I'd feel whole again. I know now I can't do either of those things, but... couldn't I fix things if I weren't so alone? Isn't that the purpose of making friends?
[he idly kicks a ball that strayed from the pit]
I always thought that if I could do justice or get revenge, I'd feel whole again. I know now I can't do either of those things, but... couldn't I fix things if I weren't so alone? Isn't that the purpose of making friends?
It's part of it. But it isn't going to be all of it. You're going to struggle, have to re-contextualize everything, and decide how to approach the future. Again and again.
. . . Right now, you should celebrate these victories. They weren't easy to come by.
. . . Right now, you should celebrate these victories. They weren't easy to come by.
Celebrate, huh...
[weird, for some reason he doesn't feel like celebrating anymore]
...We've secured ourselves an alibi for the evening. Why don't we go pet Baxter?
[weird, for some reason he doesn't feel like celebrating anymore]
...We've secured ourselves an alibi for the evening. Why don't we go pet Baxter?
[will is a downer, he's sorry about that]
Uh, yeah, let's go do that.
Uh, yeah, let's go do that.
Not quite. But I'm not ready to mentor you on that, just— Listening. Listening is where I can be right now.
Listening...
[okay, that's probably better than talking about murder. he swallows and nods]
...Kurusu is selfish. He doesn't want to accept the reality of the situation we're in. As long as he can play hero, he doesn't care about anything else.
[okay, that's probably better than talking about murder. he swallows and nods]
...Kurusu is selfish. He doesn't want to accept the reality of the situation we're in. As long as he can play hero, he doesn't care about anything else.
If he accepts this reality, he will stop being able to function how he has so far and, honestly, prefers to. He's not willing to evolve and create a self that can function here.
He's going to die. I gave my life for him, and that selfish son of a bitch is just going to go and get himself killed.
Akechi, you know there is a power imbalance between you two, don't you?
I thought... that I was the one holding him emotionally hostage, that he would have to put up with me, because he was afraid I would hurt someone.
But it's the other way around, isn't it? He knows I don't have anything left to live for, so he can string me along and feel good about himself, because this time around he managed to "save" me. Isn't that right?
But it's the other way around, isn't it? He knows I don't have anything left to live for, so he can string me along and feel good about himself, because this time around he managed to "save" me. Isn't that right?
One is not exclusive of the other. But I don't think he is that intentional about you. —He doesn't think of you, Akechi. Whether it's because he refuses to evolve or because he lacks any discernible concern for you, I can't really say.
[rolling his head up, staring at the ceiling]
To me, you read as Akira's pet.
[rolling his head up, staring at the ceiling]
To me, you read as Akira's pet.
[and that's the trigger right there, between reasonable upset and white-hot fury]
A pet? Am I... a pet? After everything, that's still all I am?
A pet? Am I... a pet? After everything, that's still all I am?
[that "still" hurts a lot more than he expects . . . ]
I'm—Sorry?
I'm—Sorry?
I don't even mean anything to the person I was tied to by fate...
No matter what I do, I'm just going to be someone else's tool or toy...
No matter what I do, I'm just going to be someone else's tool or toy...
. . . You're unique. You need someone as unique as you.
Kurusu is already the only person in the world who's like me.
[makes a strangled noise, like he's not sure whether to laugh or sob]
I'll bet Saihara is using me, too. Probably just sees me as a damn bodyguard.
[makes a strangled noise, like he's not sure whether to laugh or sob]
I'll bet Saihara is using me, too. Probably just sees me as a damn bodyguard.
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